Sunday Yoga Sadhana

I am leading a new class at the Heart Center Yoga studio. It is called Sunday Yoga Sadhana. I have led 2 classes so far and I am easing into fuller class development. It is always so different when you are there, the teacher. It seems like whatever I think I want to practice evaporates and the class morphs into a totally different experience. Perhaps the only constant is the practice intention and closing passage.

I believe that it is important to have an intention or a meaningful passage to ponder during the invitational meditation. It sets the tome for the practice and helps to lead the participants into deeper meditation and self-discovery as they progress through the asanas. The practice of movement guided by the breath is, in and, of itself, beauty. If you close your eyes, go inward, and move with your breath, it is an incredible spiritual and meditative experience.  Sometimes I feel that my practice is music in motion. For example, meditating in a seated position I find myself moving to music, absorbing the notes and the beat. I become the music, the meditation, the asana. It is like driving through the woods and absorbing the air, the colors, the sky, the horizon, directly through your skin. You can feel the energy penetrate your skin, bone and muscle, you become nature.

Recently I drove to West Virginia to visit my relatives. The home of my Uncle is on the Kanawha River. I would arise in the morning and sit outside on the patio watching the river, absorbing the energy, space, altitude, colors, grass, etc. It is incredibly rejuvenating; I just become one with nature. The energy surge and subsequent peace and fulfillment are incredible.

Next time you are outside absorb nature; become one with it. It does not take energy, just be and become one with energy's nature.

Namaste

...It isn't about self-improvement...keep reading. From The Elephant Journal

Via Melanie Jane Parker

on Sep 27, 2010

Notes on a Teacher Training: The Body.

Let’s talk about the body.

Most of us in the Laughing Lotus Love Skool arrived at yoga through asana practice. Some of us used videos or DVDs or books to get started. Many of us stumbled into a class by accident, or took on yoga as a complement to more high-impact calisthenics and athletics. It’s been utilized as a healing tool, a vessel towards serenity, and as a way to unwind after the daily winding-up that is work, school, life.

We arrive at yoga through asana because the physical body is the most tangible. There are subtle bodies within this body (anamaya), but it takes much time, patience, and good faith to access an awareness of those other bodies.
But we start with this body right here – with feet, hands, arms, legs, hips, belly, pelvis, shoulders, back, neck. Organs, tendons, ligaments, joints, bones, muscle, fluids, blood. We come to stand in tadasana with history, and lots of it. Emotional, psychological, physical history. Through the practice of yoga, it is possible to access parts of us that have remained hidden, disguised, or sublimated.

I feel compelled to write about this because for the past several weeks of Love Skool, I have been confronted again and again with the reality of my relationship to my own body. I’ve been musing over why this process of revealing is so insistent at this particular moment in my life, when I am at my most comfortable. Perhaps it is because the changes I have undergone since beginning my yoga practice are more apparent now than ever before. It is as though my insecurities become more glaring as my confidence and sense of self-worth increase.

I say let’s talk about the body, but the only body I’m prepared to talk about it is my own. I began practicing yoga when I was sixteen. I felt uncomfortable in my body, and thought that being active would make me feel better. Within a few months, I had stopped eating meat and had cut down significantly on the amount of sugar and fast food I consumed. I took steps towards vegetarianism and cut out junk food because I wanted to be healthier, but the many other dietary restrictions I imposed upon myself were fueled by the desire to be thin.

From an early age, my experience was as the heavier girl, with a full face and early breasts and hips. I had a raging sweet tooth and a real grudge against exercise. When I discovered yoga, I earnestly believed it would help me accept myself. As my body began to change with the gradual shedding of old habits and the acquisition of new ones, my approach to yoga shifted. Whereas once it had helped me settle in and relax, now it was another instrument for my ego. My mat became a space for vanity and self-critique, both of which spiraled into bouts of self-loathing. I also took up running, and I ate less and less. I became totally fixated on numbers: the three digits on the scale, calories, grams of fat, grams of protein, grams of carbohydrates. Miles run, minutes practiced. My life was broken down and cataloged, and on days where I ate three substantial meals, I practiced with guilt and determination. I wanted to sweat, burn and eliminate.

I won’t blame the media or high school cliques. I won’t blame locker room chatter or plastic surgeons or the women in my life who pinch, prod and bemoan their own flesh. All of these things are symptoms of greater cultural issues, and we all suffer. But this is why it is also up to us to recognize self-destructive tendencies in ourselves and in others, and to uplift one another. I notice that when I have a negative thought about someone else’s body, it is absolutely rooted in a painful history of rejecting my own body. The more I embrace myself, the more I can perceive the truth and beauty in others.

For the past seven years, my weight has fluctuated and my body has changed. When I dropped to an unhealthily low weight around age seventeen, it didn’t last. Without even changing my eating habits or exercise regimen, I began gaining weight. Yes, I panicked. Yes, I attempted to limit and push myself even more. But my body, in its wisdom, took care of itself. Eventually I found some semblance of balance. I stopped weighing myself and I stopped aiming for a certain pants size. I disregarded the cult of dieting and began to be mindful of nourishment. Instead of eating the food with the least calories, I began eating the most wholesome, nourishing, revitalizing food I could get my hands on. My practice of vegetarianism evolved into an ethical practice as opposed to a reaction to “should” and “should-not”. I concentrated on being in this body. I focused on its capabilities, its range of motion, its strength, flexibility, rhythms, lines, curves and edges. And not to mention its changes and transformations – thank goodness for transformation! Thank goodness I have this ever-changing body to travel in. It is through this chest, this belly, these hips, these legs and arms, feet and hands, that I can feel the earth, the seasons, illness and health, living and dying. It is through my organs of perception that I can find nourishment, humor, music, love, beauty, and joy. Whereas I once used yoga as a way to fetishize and degrade my body, I am now grounded in my mind and spirit enough to feel asana practice as a direct, delicious experience of my own divine nature, and it is this experience that breeds self-acceptance like no other.

I actually decided to become a student at the Love Skool because of a workshop I took with Dana Flynn in April of 2010, in Portland, Oregon. The thread of the workshop was the belly – feeling the belly, seeing the belly, harnessing its fullness and its power, its creative force. I remember Dana saying, We are taught to hate our bellies, but this is where it all starts. Every single one of us came from a belly. Some of us have given or will give life from the belly. How can we be ashamed of something so potent? I was completely blown away by this encounter with what felt like a startling, brilliant truth, and I feel tremendous gratitude and love for the teacher who guided me to that sweet revelation.

Of course, there are days when I forget to be thankful. There are days when I am sixteen all over again, panicked and anxious. I have had a few of these days during Love Skool, believe it or not. Standing in front of the class still isn’t easy for me, and I know it will continue to be a challenge when I get the opportunity to teach. The fear still nags – they are looking at me, they are looking at my body, how does my body look, how do they see me, how should I feel? I imagine I am not alone in this. We are all carrying the weight of our minds and hearts, aside from the weight of our bodies. We live in a culture that, unfortunately, maintains some very narrow and distorted ideas about bodies. I feel blessed to have found this yoga practice, and to now be a part of the Love Skool, where the true emphasis is on moving like yourself, as Dana says.

How can you move like yourself if you don’t want to?, you may wonder. Well, a big part of the journey is getting into the groove where you want to move like yourself. I spent years wanting to move like someone else, wanting straight lines and symmetry and narrowness. To be in a space in which you are moving and being moved, and being held in the light of acceptance and love – that’s a rare blessing. Ultimately, we have to cultivate that space for ourselves, apart from a studio or a classroom or a teacher. This, I suspect, is the whole point of our daily sadhana assignment.
Laughing Lotus teaches an ecstatic, flavorful style of practice. At the Love Skool, we are encouraged to take what’s been hidden in the dark and to expose it to the light, as it is only when one teaches from one’s own practice that one is capable of transmitting some of that light, some of that shakti.

I know my fellow yogis and yoginis are moving through similar questions and struggles, even if we haven’t discussed it outright. But what we have discussed are these expectations we have of ourselves, our practice, and our participation in this teacher training. Where do these expectations arise from? Where do they go? Where do they make homes in our bodies and hearts? What feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy do they reinforce? At the same time, how can these expectations propel us forth on our respective paths?

The challenge is in locating places of resistance and recesses of pain, uncertainty, and anger, and taking them into the conversation you have with yourself, every moment of everyday, regarding who you are and who you want to become. It’s a tightrope act, balancing between self-love and aspiring to be more wholly, fully, lovingly human. The Lotus teaches that it isn’t about self-improvement, because there is nothing essentially wrong with who you are and what you’re working with. More than anything it is about coming to know who you are and learning to love what you’re working with – in body, in mind, and in spirit.

So begin in the body. Begin at your feet. These feet take you places. Look at your hands. These hands touch the world. Breathe. This breath is all you have. Then open your eyes, all three of them, and praise.

Here's a Riotous Poem - Read if you haven't had a Good Belly-Laugh Lately

Gas

by Charles Bukowski

my grandmother had a serious gas
problem.
we only saw her on Sunday.
she'd sit down to dinner
and she'd have gas.
she was very heavy,
80 years old.
wore this large glass brooch,
that's what you noticed most
in addition to the gas.
she'd let it go just as food was being served.
she'd let it go loud in bursts
spaced about a minute apart.
she'd let it go
4 or 5 times
as we reached for the potatoes
poured the gravy
cut into the meat.

nobody ever said anything;
especially me.
I was 6 years old.
only my grandmother spoke.
after 4 or 5 blasts
she would say in an offhand way,
"I will bury you all!"

I didn't much like that:
first farting
then saying that.

it happened every Sunday.
she was my father's mother.
every Sunday it was death and gas
and mashed potatoes and gravy
and that big glass brooch.

those Sunday dinners would
always end with apple pie and
ice cream
and a big argument
about something or other,
my grandmother finally running out the door
and taking the red train back to
Pasadena
the place stinking for an hour
and my father walking about
fanning a newspaper in the air and
saying, "it's all that damned sauerkraut
she eats!"

"Gas" by Charles Bukowski, from The Flash of Lightning Behind the Mountain. © Harper Collins, 2004. Reprinted with permission. From The Writer's Almanac for September 26, 2010

Rainy Sunday

Today was my second Sunday yoga class, "Sunday Sadhana" at Heart Center Yoga. I had planned on a mix of some Yin yoga interspersed with a bit of Yang but it seemed like a "Yin" type of day! While we lingered in Yin asanas, we meditated on the many benefits of a daily sadhana. There was a touch of flow, humble warrior, and warrior flow. All in all, it was a "yummy" class as one participant stated.

My trip to France was wonderful, the weather in Paris was very hot but once we embarked on the Riverboat and started cruising down the Seine, it cooled off. We visited the Normandy beaches and many towns along the way, notable Rouen, Les Andeleys and others. The highlight, by far, was watching the Bastille Day fireworks over the Seine. We were fortunate to be in town for the show and I even recorded them on my little camera.

My daughter was home from Maine for a week. She left this Friday and drove back with her chum, Clayton. It is difficult to watch them grow up and witness their bumps and bruises.

I am anxiously awaiting my trip to Italy with Risica. We leave on October 23 and will be in Florence for 4 days. We then travel to Spannocchia for a Yoga, Hiking and Relaxation program in the Tuscan hills. While in Florence I hope to go to Lucca to the village of my mother's parents. I am in the process of collecting birth certificates and marriage documentation so I can obtain Italian citizenship. Seems my Mother's father never became an American citizen so I am eligible for Dual citizenship, very cool.

Om Shanthi, Shanthi, Shanthi

Catching Up

Well, it has been awhile. Things have been quite busy. I have finished yoga training and am teaching a class at a local Physician Practice and at work. I have been subbing some at the studio as well. I am a RYT!!.

I have been following the World Cup. Lots of shocking wins and losses. Bad calls, referees taken out because of them. Heartbreaking losses, incredible goals...

It has been very hot here. The past two weeks were in the upper 90's. This week the temperature moderated and was in the 50-60's at night and the 80's during the day. Not much rain, the lawn is turning brown and crunchy. I have started to walk during lungh; 6 times around the clinic = 1 mile. This jaunt resets my brain and breathing while walking inhales peace and exhales stress and frustration. I have been wearing a Pedometer lately and in the course of a day at work I manage to walk ~1.5 miles. Not too shabby!!

We will probably watch the Fireworks tonight, maybe those in DC. Always guaranteed to be an enjoyable event.

Hannah and I are going to France on Wednesday. Four days in Paris then a River Cruise on the Seine for 6 days. Appropos of the month, we will be visiting the Normandy beaches and learning alot about Impressionism as we visit major museums and historical sites.

More later,

namaste

Well, it is getting closer to finishing training. I can't believe it. When I started this path I did not plan on teaching yoga. I wanted to learn more about the spiritual path, not necessarily gear up to teach. Since I have started to teach at work one evening a week, I have realized that I really enjoy it. My "students" compliment me on my voice tone and overall presentation. They enjoy my readings and pose sequencing; and I'm told that my voice is very soothing,

I attended the Restorative Yoga training and have already signed up for a training in Yoga for Menopause. I have also registered for Yoga for the Older population to be held held in September at Asheville Yoga Center. I can't wait, especially since I work with the Geriatric population at work.

One of my students suggested that I offer a class "Yoga for Stress Recovery" for the Veterans. Even if all that is taken home is stress relief, it will be of benefit. I hope to start this either at the clinic [hmmmmm] or at the studio where I have been training, or maybe even private lessons outside the work relationship. I think a mix of gentle vinyasa and restorative would be a great way to introduce this to my population and help them to allay stress and recover from trauma and injuries.

I owe alot to my gurus and my students. They have educated me, given me a new love of yoga, and instilled in me the courage to teach and introduce yoga to all.

I have started the third Trimester of teacher training. It includes an apprenticeship; teaching 8 classes with instructor evaluation, attending the weekly class, readings, and other assignments.

One of our first assignments, other than readings and asanas, was to practice SILENCE for 12 hours. Once completed, we were to write a paper describing our experience and thoughts about silence. Well, it was enlightening, very enlightening, not to mention frightening to listen to my mind "citta". I found that in my silence I learned so much about myself, my ego. I realized how much I evaluate people and events according to what I think should be, of course, with me knowing what should happen or what someone should have done.

I have taught 2 classes to date. I teach on Thursdays after work. My first class had three participants. It lasted for about 40 minutes; poses included Mountain, Warrior I and II, and Triangle pose. We also had a centering time and a nice, 10 minute Shavasana complete with enhancements. I learned that when I teach I have to know the poses by heart, each movement, inhalation, and exhalation. I enjoyed it though. My second class had one participant, which was very cool. It was like a private lesson; she had not participated in Yoga previously. The class included the above poses plus spinal twists, neck rolls, and leg work on the mat. My participant has a Hearing Dog because of her hearing deficit and he was very confused. He wanted to be on the mat with her and did not understand why she was lying on the floor. In the end, it turned out to be great for all three of us. Next week I have my first evaluation by my instructors. I think it will be fine; a little scary but good.

Another assignment for the trimester is a pose to practice every day. Mine is Navasana or boat pose. I had this same pose last trimester but my shoulder and my aversion to pain resulted in my not practicing it too much. Well, now I am better able to practice it. My first few tries were pretty pitiful. I have since been practicing Navasana when seated at work, at home after doing my PT exercises, on the Bosu ball [which works on core and balance, in addition to the pose], and at other times when it seems to fit. I am able to balance and hold it and with this achievement, I have noticed that my ego talk, negative of course, has diminished. I am able to be a little more steady every day.

At first, I was on the ego-control path, not strong enough, too fat, to stiff, no muscle strength, etc. Now the daily practice has reduced that and I am thinking more positively..."I can stay in the pose for a count of ten breaths, I can do this, I am getting stronger"...it all goes back to SELF-DISCIPLINE.

Today in class the intention was to think frequently "My body is...". I again felt my ego, but with thoughtful verbiage from the instructor, I was given the opportunity to think of my body and whatever ails me, as one and the same; my shoulder hurts, my body hurts.

I am skimming through "Bringing Yoga To Life" by Donna Farhi. I am in the section discussing the "kleshas" and the "four attitudes (brahmavihara) to life's challenges and the application of these to all our relationships and to all situations.". They are: friendliness toward the joyful, compassion for those who are suffering, celebrating the good in others, and remaining impartial to the faults and imperfections of others.

The fourth brahmavihara resonated within me; it looks at how we inflict suffering on ourselves and how we manufacture our own torment by failing to detach ourselves from things that ultimately we cannot change in another, [Donna Farhi, Bringing Yoga to Life]. In a nutshell, what we fear, despise and hate in someone else is what we fear, hate and despise in ourselves. Boy, think about that for a few minutes. What a wake-up call on how we interact and criticize others. Think about it, what you dislike in someone, the trait that makes you crazy, is also present in you. Yikes!, on many levels.

Tomorrow, Sunday, is our 4-hour class. We have a 1-hour practice then 3-hours of education. We are learning the ins-and-outs of being a Yoga instructor. Can't wait; though the best teacher is ourself [in all aspects of life].

Namaste