"I AM"

"I AM"

Today is a holiday for me, Martin Luther King Day, and I am home. I started the day leisurely with a cup of coffee and my email. Interestingly enough I for once clicked on the "Oprah" email. I became curious when I saw the tagline "I am...". Oprah's guest on the program was Pastor Joel Osteen and he was discussing the positive benefits of starting your day with positive affirmations: I am strong, I am secure, I am beautiful, etc.

The power of this mantra is familiar to me. In Kundalini Teacher Training we discussed Yogi Bhajan's statement "vibrate the universe and it will vibrate back".  There are many others who have put this message forward; Dr. Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay come to mind.

But back to the idea of "I am": this message is very important. We can all be a little more positive, the more that are positive, the better the chance of change personally and in the world. Oh wait!! That's what Ghandi said, "be the change you want to see in the world". Yup, that's it.


 I agree with this message; positive affirmations can lead to change within yourself or those who you are "vibrating" for. If you change your thoughts you can stop beating yourself up or at least decrease the frequency of it. It changes your energy.  When I am in a "negative mood and down on myself" I feel it, I exude it and others around me pick up on it. The same goes for those around you; when they are down on themselves, you feel it. Do you really want to surround yourself with negative energy, bad juju? I sure don't.

There is a meditation in Kundalini Yoga Called Meditation Into Being: “I Am, I Am”. There is also a wonderful song, "Bountiful, Blissful, Beautiful" if you want something easy to remember. To me, these three words sum it up: I am bountiful, blissful and beautiful". You can access the meditation at http://www.yogibhajan.org.

So I wonder how many people will have to tell us this before we take hold of this idea? Will Oprah's Lifeclass be the tipping point for such a change? What will it take for you to start each day with just one positive statement?

Just give it a chance, try it for a week and see how you feel. It will be difficult to stop the negative, destructive self-talk but it will be worth it.

Sat Nam

Now

Well, it is the second to last week in June. I have completed my Kundalini Class trainings but still have the other requirement to complete. This includes participating in 20 classes [have 2 done] and attending White Tantric yoga [scheduled for October inKnoxville]. I feel pretty good about being where I am; I even have plans for teaching a workshop at my local Yoga studio. This is all very exciting, great opportunity to bring Kundalini yoga to the town of Hickory NC.

I suppose I am a pathfinder, a guiding light to help people find their light in life. The changes I experienced in my year of training are beyond what my wordsmithing can craft. I am lighter, more encouraged, more in the Neutral mind, and definitely more conscious of from which mind I am projecting.

Well the big date in November is approaching rapidly!!! November 29 is my appointment at the Italian Consulate in Philadelphia! Me and all the documents I have collected over the past 3 years! I am hopeful that they will accept it.

A photo of San Ginese, my Grandparents birthplace in Lucca, Tuscany!!

Lets see what else! Well I am on Day 108 of my 1000 day Sadhana! I meditate every day for 15 minutes [Shabd Kriya] in addition to my daily practice. Lately I have been doing Sat Kriya daily and now I am doing 7 minutes. I know, it does not sound like a long time but after 3-4 minutes my shoulders start telling me they are not happy tucked up there by my ears. But, I continue, breathing into them and relaxing the muscles helps to relieve the discomfort. I tell myself "keep up and I will be kept up".  So far this has worked.

I am teaching a class at he yoga Tree in Hickory on Saturday mornings at 9AM. I have usually 1-2 people in attendance but that it fine. Kundalini yoga is not mainstream in Hickory so I am very happy when one person arrives for class.

On October 20 I will be in Knoxville for White Tantric Yoga. It is a day-long meditation series to help clear the subconscious! This is another requirement for Kundalini Teacher Training so I am attending with a friend from my Training class! We will stay at an Ashram, sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag, and have an adventure of a totally different kind. I have some trepidation but I am sure this will be dispelled when we get started.

This past Wednesday I participated in a yoga class via Skype!! How cool is that? My Teacher from Chapel Hill is doing a series on "Rebirthing" and I really wanted to participate. So, I emailed her and asked about it and she was more than happy to prop me up in the studio! So I did! It was like being there. I have plans to participate in the next 3 classes so I am excited!! We can all use some "Rebirthing" to clear out the historical garbage from our minds:). This is my teacher:
Sacred Listener - HarDarshan Kaur Khalsa! check out the website for the class schedule

http://www.sacredlistener.com/

End of Trimester 2

Here I am on Friday night before class [Saturday morning] finishing up my assignments for the end of the trimester. I had to think about the qualities of a yoga instructor that are important, discuss how I grew through my yoga pose assignment, and complete the final exam.

These were very thought-provoking assignments. The final made me think not only about this trimester but the first one as well. I had to assimilate my thoughts, experience and growth of the past several months into the "now". It seems so simple, merge then with now. Well, it ain't so. It is deeper than that. It is not about thoughts, it's about assimilating my thoughts with actions with yogic beliefs and practices with who I am and how I live.

It sounds easy but practicing ahimsa, satya, asteya, bramacharya and aparagrapha is harder than I ever thought. It involves being conscious and aware of my every thought, action, and future plan and to do so within the yogic yamas. To then add practicing the niyamas [or restraints] really challenges our daily actions and beliefs.

It comes down to being here and now, accepting the fact that all things will pass.

Mother's Day Reflection

Today is Mother's Day! Hard to believe that the first part of my "Motherhood" has flown so quickly. It will be 25 years in September since I had my first child! I don't believe she can believe it either. A few years later there was my second. So now, as you can compute, both girls are women now! Seems their youth took forever until they entered high school, then time went into accelerated mode and before I realized it they were graduating and moving onto greater changes.

I remember things like reading the same book over and over in the favorite rocking chair in their bedroom; looking for Easter eggs and not finding them until you could smell them; scary things like ER visits and wonderful things like splashing around in the surf and burying them in the sand. Now we ask about grades, college work, dorm room traumas and all other aspects of their life away from home.

2008


The most curious thing is their view on having children! I remember when I was their age, I wanted children but not yet. So maybe, when their time is right, they will change their mind and really see what motherhood is. Maybe they will remember the wonderful things they experienced as children and want to share their memories and turn them into their children's reality.

The sad part is that I remember more happy times while they were growing up compared to my childhood. I only remember a few happy times from when I was a child; Christmas, going to the "shore" for the day, waiting for Nana to come from West Virginia with her big suitcase full of toys, and listening to Nana and my mother speak Italian.

 I soaked it in, wanting to learn it but my father would not allow that. I would sneak Nana's letters, written in Italian, and "read them". Her writing was beautiful, I still picture it in my mind. I knew then the greeting "Caro Pia and George" and "Come sta". I think my father's refusal of all things Italian is what made these memories so dear to me. Perhaps this is why obtaining my Dual Citizenship with Italy is an important goal.

Beautiful photo of Nana

Nana with Mom - on the right, the tall one!

 Aunt Virginia - the little one, lower left

Uncle Secondo - on the left

I don't know why Uncle Primo is not in the photo; probably working with Grandfather.









And the next photo is one of my favorites of my mother and Aunt Virginia!! Just beautiful

I know now where I got my gardening genes!

Enough of my Mother's Day story! "   Do what you love, Love what you do"

TGIF

Today I am thankful that it's Friday. Some weeks are long, others are interminable. This one falls in the "interminable" zone. This is partially because of work and partially because I am in the "dead vacation zone". Last day off of work was in February; next day off is not until Memorial Day. The time in-between is filled with 5-day work weeks. I know, it sounds like I'm a wimp. But, honestly, when you see clients all day and are surrounded by their energy, it gets old, real old, real fast.

My weekends are my salvation. I stay home, avoid the phone, don't go to the mall, don't go anywhere. This is my "recharge" time. I need this time to survive. It takes 2 days to wash off the energy I collect all week. It accumulates in my psyche, invades my neurons, affects my being. It's not that I am an isolationist; I am a survivor and this is the antidote to my job.

Today when I got home it was warm, sunny, breezy. I sat out on the patio and just sat. I listened, felt the breeze on my face, listened to the birds, the breeze. In MBSR it is "Conscious awareness meditation". It was a wonderful way to detox. Best part is I have 2 more days to recover, meditate, practice mindful yoga, and regroup.

Amen, thanks for weekends, meditation, and yoga.

Moving on

Ever had the feeling that the train was moving fast and you were hanging outside the door, one leg flailing in the wind? Worst of all, there is a train coming in the opposite direction and you can't pull yourself into the cab? Well, that is how I felt today. Life moves on, sometimes way too fast.

Just got a call from my daughters soon to be college in the Fall. "She needs a physical, did you submit FAFSA, has she made the room request, will she be bringing an automobile? Did you decide on the orientation date? You know school starts on September 6."

Well, frankly no. I had not thought of any of that lately. I have been in my suspended cocoon. The empty nest is looming in my future and I have chosen to ignore it for the present time. Is that bad? Come on, how many of you have been through this? Are these feelings and concerns normal? I think a resounding "yes" is in order.

So, now I am looking at this straight on. FAFSA must be sent, orientation has to be scheduled, school will start regardless of my denial. The house will be empty; she will be away. I will miss her, the dogs will miss her, Tom will not be the same. Should we rent her room? Never, that is her space, can't be filled by anyone else, nor can her sisters room.

We as parents hold the lease on their time as our child, in our home, raising them, instilling values. Then the lease runs out and we hope and pray that all we have inculcated in them holds up against the adversity of life.

So it goes on.