I have until Sunday, 2/28/10, to finish my yoga exam and get it emailed to the instructors. Interestingly enough, several of the questions have to do with the ego, attachment and aversion. So while I am contemplating these questions, I am talking to my husband about being present in the now. He put in a movie, and my first question was something to do with the film that had not happened yet. There I was, not being here again in this moment, looking forward to 2 minutes from now. My present went out the window.
I am in Physical Therapy and after this weekend I found that my shoulder seemed to be aching more than previously. I mentioned this today to the therapist and she asked about the weights I was using at home. I replied "3 pounds". She came back with "maybe you should back-off and only exercise with 2 pounds". "Listen to your body, do what you can without pain", well, that is not what I usually do.
Ouch, then it hit me. I was not present in the now; my rehabilitation was not what it "should be". I was doing the attachment - aversion thing AGAIN. "Rehab should be going as I planned, it should not take me more than another month." That's it, I was attached, hook, line, and sinker; my aversion was to longer therapy. I also realized that subconsciously I was thinking " I can't wait until I can...do a downward dog or table". That is so un-yogic, so not present in the now. Always thinking about "when I will be better, when I can do...". The ego struck again; I was totally missing "now".
I think that I should write down every time for 1 day, when I am being in the future and thinking "when I". Like Judith Lasater, I think I will be shocked with the total number of times that I do this a day and don't even realize it. That's scary.
I'll keep you posted.
namaste
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