"I AM"

"I AM"

Today is a holiday for me, Martin Luther King Day, and I am home. I started the day leisurely with a cup of coffee and my email. Interestingly enough I for once clicked on the "Oprah" email. I became curious when I saw the tagline "I am...". Oprah's guest on the program was Pastor Joel Osteen and he was discussing the positive benefits of starting your day with positive affirmations: I am strong, I am secure, I am beautiful, etc.

The power of this mantra is familiar to me. In Kundalini Teacher Training we discussed Yogi Bhajan's statement "vibrate the universe and it will vibrate back".  There are many others who have put this message forward; Dr. Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay come to mind.

But back to the idea of "I am": this message is very important. We can all be a little more positive, the more that are positive, the better the chance of change personally and in the world. Oh wait!! That's what Ghandi said, "be the change you want to see in the world". Yup, that's it.


 I agree with this message; positive affirmations can lead to change within yourself or those who you are "vibrating" for. If you change your thoughts you can stop beating yourself up or at least decrease the frequency of it. It changes your energy.  When I am in a "negative mood and down on myself" I feel it, I exude it and others around me pick up on it. The same goes for those around you; when they are down on themselves, you feel it. Do you really want to surround yourself with negative energy, bad juju? I sure don't.

There is a meditation in Kundalini Yoga Called Meditation Into Being: “I Am, I Am”. There is also a wonderful song, "Bountiful, Blissful, Beautiful" if you want something easy to remember. To me, these three words sum it up: I am bountiful, blissful and beautiful". You can access the meditation at http://www.yogibhajan.org.

So I wonder how many people will have to tell us this before we take hold of this idea? Will Oprah's Lifeclass be the tipping point for such a change? What will it take for you to start each day with just one positive statement?

Just give it a chance, try it for a week and see how you feel. It will be difficult to stop the negative, destructive self-talk but it will be worth it.

Sat Nam

Now

Well, it is the second to last week in June. I have completed my Kundalini Class trainings but still have the other requirement to complete. This includes participating in 20 classes [have 2 done] and attending White Tantric yoga [scheduled for October inKnoxville]. I feel pretty good about being where I am; I even have plans for teaching a workshop at my local Yoga studio. This is all very exciting, great opportunity to bring Kundalini yoga to the town of Hickory NC.

I suppose I am a pathfinder, a guiding light to help people find their light in life. The changes I experienced in my year of training are beyond what my wordsmithing can craft. I am lighter, more encouraged, more in the Neutral mind, and definitely more conscious of from which mind I am projecting.

Well the big date in November is approaching rapidly!!! November 29 is my appointment at the Italian Consulate in Philadelphia! Me and all the documents I have collected over the past 3 years! I am hopeful that they will accept it.

A photo of San Ginese, my Grandparents birthplace in Lucca, Tuscany!!

Lets see what else! Well I am on Day 108 of my 1000 day Sadhana! I meditate every day for 15 minutes [Shabd Kriya] in addition to my daily practice. Lately I have been doing Sat Kriya daily and now I am doing 7 minutes. I know, it does not sound like a long time but after 3-4 minutes my shoulders start telling me they are not happy tucked up there by my ears. But, I continue, breathing into them and relaxing the muscles helps to relieve the discomfort. I tell myself "keep up and I will be kept up".  So far this has worked.

I am teaching a class at he yoga Tree in Hickory on Saturday mornings at 9AM. I have usually 1-2 people in attendance but that it fine. Kundalini yoga is not mainstream in Hickory so I am very happy when one person arrives for class.

On October 20 I will be in Knoxville for White Tantric Yoga. It is a day-long meditation series to help clear the subconscious! This is another requirement for Kundalini Teacher Training so I am attending with a friend from my Training class! We will stay at an Ashram, sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag, and have an adventure of a totally different kind. I have some trepidation but I am sure this will be dispelled when we get started.

This past Wednesday I participated in a yoga class via Skype!! How cool is that? My Teacher from Chapel Hill is doing a series on "Rebirthing" and I really wanted to participate. So, I emailed her and asked about it and she was more than happy to prop me up in the studio! So I did! It was like being there. I have plans to participate in the next 3 classes so I am excited!! We can all use some "Rebirthing" to clear out the historical garbage from our minds:). This is my teacher:
Sacred Listener - HarDarshan Kaur Khalsa! check out the website for the class schedule

http://www.sacredlistener.com/

End of Trimester 2

Here I am on Friday night before class [Saturday morning] finishing up my assignments for the end of the trimester. I had to think about the qualities of a yoga instructor that are important, discuss how I grew through my yoga pose assignment, and complete the final exam.

These were very thought-provoking assignments. The final made me think not only about this trimester but the first one as well. I had to assimilate my thoughts, experience and growth of the past several months into the "now". It seems so simple, merge then with now. Well, it ain't so. It is deeper than that. It is not about thoughts, it's about assimilating my thoughts with actions with yogic beliefs and practices with who I am and how I live.

It sounds easy but practicing ahimsa, satya, asteya, bramacharya and aparagrapha is harder than I ever thought. It involves being conscious and aware of my every thought, action, and future plan and to do so within the yogic yamas. To then add practicing the niyamas [or restraints] really challenges our daily actions and beliefs.

It comes down to being here and now, accepting the fact that all things will pass.

Mother's Day Reflection

Today is Mother's Day! Hard to believe that the first part of my "Motherhood" has flown so quickly. It will be 25 years in September since I had my first child! I don't believe she can believe it either. A few years later there was my second. So now, as you can compute, both girls are women now! Seems their youth took forever until they entered high school, then time went into accelerated mode and before I realized it they were graduating and moving onto greater changes.

I remember things like reading the same book over and over in the favorite rocking chair in their bedroom; looking for Easter eggs and not finding them until you could smell them; scary things like ER visits and wonderful things like splashing around in the surf and burying them in the sand. Now we ask about grades, college work, dorm room traumas and all other aspects of their life away from home.

2008


The most curious thing is their view on having children! I remember when I was their age, I wanted children but not yet. So maybe, when their time is right, they will change their mind and really see what motherhood is. Maybe they will remember the wonderful things they experienced as children and want to share their memories and turn them into their children's reality.

The sad part is that I remember more happy times while they were growing up compared to my childhood. I only remember a few happy times from when I was a child; Christmas, going to the "shore" for the day, waiting for Nana to come from West Virginia with her big suitcase full of toys, and listening to Nana and my mother speak Italian.

 I soaked it in, wanting to learn it but my father would not allow that. I would sneak Nana's letters, written in Italian, and "read them". Her writing was beautiful, I still picture it in my mind. I knew then the greeting "Caro Pia and George" and "Come sta". I think my father's refusal of all things Italian is what made these memories so dear to me. Perhaps this is why obtaining my Dual Citizenship with Italy is an important goal.

Beautiful photo of Nana

Nana with Mom - on the right, the tall one!

 Aunt Virginia - the little one, lower left

Uncle Secondo - on the left

I don't know why Uncle Primo is not in the photo; probably working with Grandfather.









And the next photo is one of my favorites of my mother and Aunt Virginia!! Just beautiful

I know now where I got my gardening genes!

Enough of my Mother's Day story! "   Do what you love, Love what you do"

TGIF

Today I am thankful that it's Friday. Some weeks are long, others are interminable. This one falls in the "interminable" zone. This is partially because of work and partially because I am in the "dead vacation zone". Last day off of work was in February; next day off is not until Memorial Day. The time in-between is filled with 5-day work weeks. I know, it sounds like I'm a wimp. But, honestly, when you see clients all day and are surrounded by their energy, it gets old, real old, real fast.

My weekends are my salvation. I stay home, avoid the phone, don't go to the mall, don't go anywhere. This is my "recharge" time. I need this time to survive. It takes 2 days to wash off the energy I collect all week. It accumulates in my psyche, invades my neurons, affects my being. It's not that I am an isolationist; I am a survivor and this is the antidote to my job.

Today when I got home it was warm, sunny, breezy. I sat out on the patio and just sat. I listened, felt the breeze on my face, listened to the birds, the breeze. In MBSR it is "Conscious awareness meditation". It was a wonderful way to detox. Best part is I have 2 more days to recover, meditate, practice mindful yoga, and regroup.

Amen, thanks for weekends, meditation, and yoga.

Moving on

Ever had the feeling that the train was moving fast and you were hanging outside the door, one leg flailing in the wind? Worst of all, there is a train coming in the opposite direction and you can't pull yourself into the cab? Well, that is how I felt today. Life moves on, sometimes way too fast.

Just got a call from my daughters soon to be college in the Fall. "She needs a physical, did you submit FAFSA, has she made the room request, will she be bringing an automobile? Did you decide on the orientation date? You know school starts on September 6."

Well, frankly no. I had not thought of any of that lately. I have been in my suspended cocoon. The empty nest is looming in my future and I have chosen to ignore it for the present time. Is that bad? Come on, how many of you have been through this? Are these feelings and concerns normal? I think a resounding "yes" is in order.

So, now I am looking at this straight on. FAFSA must be sent, orientation has to be scheduled, school will start regardless of my denial. The house will be empty; she will be away. I will miss her, the dogs will miss her, Tom will not be the same. Should we rent her room? Never, that is her space, can't be filled by anyone else, nor can her sisters room.

We as parents hold the lease on their time as our child, in our home, raising them, instilling values. Then the lease runs out and we hope and pray that all we have inculcated in them holds up against the adversity of life.

So it goes on.

Sents

Back on The Mat

Well, finally I am able to do more asanas. I have been in Physical Therapy now for ~ 2 months [1 month in the real stuff]. So, last Saturday I attended my first "class" in quite a while. It was called "Yoga and Creativity". We did ~ 1 hour of yoga then learned about "VIsion Boards" and the Chakras which relate to creativity. After yoga we used the remainder of the class to build our own Vision Board! I took a picture and posted it on Facebook but here it is.





I especially like "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". I case you can't see all the components here are the bits and the explanation:


"Break Free" - my desire to break free from my past chains; also I love the "I want to break free" song.


"Tibetan Prayer Flags" - to send good blessings to all people.


"Your Spirit" - we all have a spirit and interact with everyone else's spirit. May I always appreciate your spirit.


"Italy - Tuscany" - to celebrate my heritage and my work to obtain Dual citizenship in honor of my grandfather Emilio Dalporto.


"The Recycle Symbol" - to continue to honor the environment by conservation and generating minimal traces of my life on earth.


"The Beatles" - I love them and music makes me happy. 


'It's good to be" - because it is good to be where you are when you are. Most importantly to be in the moment and let the rest go.


"Inside out" - may my philosophical and spiritual beliefs be reflected in all I do and say.


"Start Your Day right" - every day, every moment is new. A reminder that every day is a new start and morning blessings include meditation, yoga, Lemon Tea and blessings.


"Live Well" - encompasses all of the above.




So naturally after class I had to research the creativity aspect myself and here are some interesting factoids I found while googleing the topic "Chakras and Creativity". From: http://www.sacredcenters.com/chakras/chakra-exercises#chakra5

Chakra Six: Ajna

Light, Archetypal identity, oriented to self-reflection

This chakra is known as the brow chakra or third eye center. It is related to the act of seeing, both physically and intuitively. As such it opens our psychic faculties and our understanding of archetypal levels. When healthy it allows us to see clearly, in effect, letting us “see the big picture.”




Chakra Five: Vishuddha  

Sound, Creative identity, oriented to self-expression

This is the chakra located in the throat and is thus related to communication and creativity. Here we experience the world symbolically through vibration, such as the vibration of sound representing language

Chakra One: Muladhara

Earth, Physical identity, oriented to self-preservation

Located at the base of the spine, this chakra forms our foundation. It represents the element earth, and is therefore related to our survival instincts, and to our sense of grounding and connection to our bodies and the physical plane. Ideally this chakra brings us health, prosperity, security, and dynamic presence.


 I am attending classes on "Mindfullness Based Stress-Reduction" class. We have had 3 so far and Tuesday night we have class number 4. I have noticed subtle changes in my interactions with people and my thought patterns. The weirdest thing is that in the past couple of weeks I have lost hings; an earring, the top to my water bottle, and my string of pearls. After realizing the loss, I was upset but "just let it go". I have since received back the earring, bottle top and Pearls. How weird is that?? 


On the home front, Hannah is completing pre-work for college; this freaks me out. But, then one day on the way to work I started to realize that when we have children we have a "kids lease". We have them until 18 when the lease runs out. Then we make the choice: pay forward on the lease with them home or in college. So I guess our lease will continue. I am grateful that our lease has been relatively trauma free, other than some ER visits. No drugs, arrests, etc. I think we did pretty well.

namaste
Mary

Daja Vu All Over Again.

Well, here I am again. If it is December I am recovering from surgery, shoulder that is. Last year at this time I was preparing for surgery; this year I tried something different!! Surgery before Thanksgiving. This shoulder, the right one, was different from the left. The tear was "large" as the Orthopedic Surgeon put it. Translated, this means that I have to have my arm in a sling for 6 weeks instead of 3, and, as a second bonus, I cannot start  Physical Therapy for 6 weeks. I have been out of work for 4 weeks and will be returning to work on Monday, December 6. Initially I'll go part-time and do PT in the afternoons.

Being home has been nice. It is cool not to have to get up and go to work after swallowing a cup of coffee. The best part has been getting to watch all 7 seasons of the Gilmore Girls. Talk about the Queens of banter! Lorelei and Rory win the prize in this area as well as the "subtle nuance" award.

Yoga has been a challenge lately. Some asanas I can do without the right arm, these I have been focusing on. I have been meditating in the mornings and I think this has helped me with pain control. It seems different this time but it is still there. I look forward to resuming my practice and going to the studio, which, hey, it's moving to a new space at 5-points. It seems to be a nice space, can't wait to go to a class there. I hope to resume my Sunday Sadhana class and hopefully have attendees! But whatever you do is your sadhana; meditate on your actions, be present, it is all practice.

Until later,
namaste.

Sunday Yoga Sadhana

I am leading a new class at the Heart Center Yoga studio. It is called Sunday Yoga Sadhana. I have led 2 classes so far and I am easing into fuller class development. It is always so different when you are there, the teacher. It seems like whatever I think I want to practice evaporates and the class morphs into a totally different experience. Perhaps the only constant is the practice intention and closing passage.

I believe that it is important to have an intention or a meaningful passage to ponder during the invitational meditation. It sets the tome for the practice and helps to lead the participants into deeper meditation and self-discovery as they progress through the asanas. The practice of movement guided by the breath is, in and, of itself, beauty. If you close your eyes, go inward, and move with your breath, it is an incredible spiritual and meditative experience.  Sometimes I feel that my practice is music in motion. For example, meditating in a seated position I find myself moving to music, absorbing the notes and the beat. I become the music, the meditation, the asana. It is like driving through the woods and absorbing the air, the colors, the sky, the horizon, directly through your skin. You can feel the energy penetrate your skin, bone and muscle, you become nature.

Recently I drove to West Virginia to visit my relatives. The home of my Uncle is on the Kanawha River. I would arise in the morning and sit outside on the patio watching the river, absorbing the energy, space, altitude, colors, grass, etc. It is incredibly rejuvenating; I just become one with nature. The energy surge and subsequent peace and fulfillment are incredible.

Next time you are outside absorb nature; become one with it. It does not take energy, just be and become one with energy's nature.

Namaste

...It isn't about self-improvement...keep reading. From The Elephant Journal

Via Melanie Jane Parker

on Sep 27, 2010

Notes on a Teacher Training: The Body.

Let’s talk about the body.

Most of us in the Laughing Lotus Love Skool arrived at yoga through asana practice. Some of us used videos or DVDs or books to get started. Many of us stumbled into a class by accident, or took on yoga as a complement to more high-impact calisthenics and athletics. It’s been utilized as a healing tool, a vessel towards serenity, and as a way to unwind after the daily winding-up that is work, school, life.

We arrive at yoga through asana because the physical body is the most tangible. There are subtle bodies within this body (anamaya), but it takes much time, patience, and good faith to access an awareness of those other bodies.
But we start with this body right here – with feet, hands, arms, legs, hips, belly, pelvis, shoulders, back, neck. Organs, tendons, ligaments, joints, bones, muscle, fluids, blood. We come to stand in tadasana with history, and lots of it. Emotional, psychological, physical history. Through the practice of yoga, it is possible to access parts of us that have remained hidden, disguised, or sublimated.

I feel compelled to write about this because for the past several weeks of Love Skool, I have been confronted again and again with the reality of my relationship to my own body. I’ve been musing over why this process of revealing is so insistent at this particular moment in my life, when I am at my most comfortable. Perhaps it is because the changes I have undergone since beginning my yoga practice are more apparent now than ever before. It is as though my insecurities become more glaring as my confidence and sense of self-worth increase.

I say let’s talk about the body, but the only body I’m prepared to talk about it is my own. I began practicing yoga when I was sixteen. I felt uncomfortable in my body, and thought that being active would make me feel better. Within a few months, I had stopped eating meat and had cut down significantly on the amount of sugar and fast food I consumed. I took steps towards vegetarianism and cut out junk food because I wanted to be healthier, but the many other dietary restrictions I imposed upon myself were fueled by the desire to be thin.

From an early age, my experience was as the heavier girl, with a full face and early breasts and hips. I had a raging sweet tooth and a real grudge against exercise. When I discovered yoga, I earnestly believed it would help me accept myself. As my body began to change with the gradual shedding of old habits and the acquisition of new ones, my approach to yoga shifted. Whereas once it had helped me settle in and relax, now it was another instrument for my ego. My mat became a space for vanity and self-critique, both of which spiraled into bouts of self-loathing. I also took up running, and I ate less and less. I became totally fixated on numbers: the three digits on the scale, calories, grams of fat, grams of protein, grams of carbohydrates. Miles run, minutes practiced. My life was broken down and cataloged, and on days where I ate three substantial meals, I practiced with guilt and determination. I wanted to sweat, burn and eliminate.

I won’t blame the media or high school cliques. I won’t blame locker room chatter or plastic surgeons or the women in my life who pinch, prod and bemoan their own flesh. All of these things are symptoms of greater cultural issues, and we all suffer. But this is why it is also up to us to recognize self-destructive tendencies in ourselves and in others, and to uplift one another. I notice that when I have a negative thought about someone else’s body, it is absolutely rooted in a painful history of rejecting my own body. The more I embrace myself, the more I can perceive the truth and beauty in others.

For the past seven years, my weight has fluctuated and my body has changed. When I dropped to an unhealthily low weight around age seventeen, it didn’t last. Without even changing my eating habits or exercise regimen, I began gaining weight. Yes, I panicked. Yes, I attempted to limit and push myself even more. But my body, in its wisdom, took care of itself. Eventually I found some semblance of balance. I stopped weighing myself and I stopped aiming for a certain pants size. I disregarded the cult of dieting and began to be mindful of nourishment. Instead of eating the food with the least calories, I began eating the most wholesome, nourishing, revitalizing food I could get my hands on. My practice of vegetarianism evolved into an ethical practice as opposed to a reaction to “should” and “should-not”. I concentrated on being in this body. I focused on its capabilities, its range of motion, its strength, flexibility, rhythms, lines, curves and edges. And not to mention its changes and transformations – thank goodness for transformation! Thank goodness I have this ever-changing body to travel in. It is through this chest, this belly, these hips, these legs and arms, feet and hands, that I can feel the earth, the seasons, illness and health, living and dying. It is through my organs of perception that I can find nourishment, humor, music, love, beauty, and joy. Whereas I once used yoga as a way to fetishize and degrade my body, I am now grounded in my mind and spirit enough to feel asana practice as a direct, delicious experience of my own divine nature, and it is this experience that breeds self-acceptance like no other.

I actually decided to become a student at the Love Skool because of a workshop I took with Dana Flynn in April of 2010, in Portland, Oregon. The thread of the workshop was the belly – feeling the belly, seeing the belly, harnessing its fullness and its power, its creative force. I remember Dana saying, We are taught to hate our bellies, but this is where it all starts. Every single one of us came from a belly. Some of us have given or will give life from the belly. How can we be ashamed of something so potent? I was completely blown away by this encounter with what felt like a startling, brilliant truth, and I feel tremendous gratitude and love for the teacher who guided me to that sweet revelation.

Of course, there are days when I forget to be thankful. There are days when I am sixteen all over again, panicked and anxious. I have had a few of these days during Love Skool, believe it or not. Standing in front of the class still isn’t easy for me, and I know it will continue to be a challenge when I get the opportunity to teach. The fear still nags – they are looking at me, they are looking at my body, how does my body look, how do they see me, how should I feel? I imagine I am not alone in this. We are all carrying the weight of our minds and hearts, aside from the weight of our bodies. We live in a culture that, unfortunately, maintains some very narrow and distorted ideas about bodies. I feel blessed to have found this yoga practice, and to now be a part of the Love Skool, where the true emphasis is on moving like yourself, as Dana says.

How can you move like yourself if you don’t want to?, you may wonder. Well, a big part of the journey is getting into the groove where you want to move like yourself. I spent years wanting to move like someone else, wanting straight lines and symmetry and narrowness. To be in a space in which you are moving and being moved, and being held in the light of acceptance and love – that’s a rare blessing. Ultimately, we have to cultivate that space for ourselves, apart from a studio or a classroom or a teacher. This, I suspect, is the whole point of our daily sadhana assignment.
Laughing Lotus teaches an ecstatic, flavorful style of practice. At the Love Skool, we are encouraged to take what’s been hidden in the dark and to expose it to the light, as it is only when one teaches from one’s own practice that one is capable of transmitting some of that light, some of that shakti.

I know my fellow yogis and yoginis are moving through similar questions and struggles, even if we haven’t discussed it outright. But what we have discussed are these expectations we have of ourselves, our practice, and our participation in this teacher training. Where do these expectations arise from? Where do they go? Where do they make homes in our bodies and hearts? What feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy do they reinforce? At the same time, how can these expectations propel us forth on our respective paths?

The challenge is in locating places of resistance and recesses of pain, uncertainty, and anger, and taking them into the conversation you have with yourself, every moment of everyday, regarding who you are and who you want to become. It’s a tightrope act, balancing between self-love and aspiring to be more wholly, fully, lovingly human. The Lotus teaches that it isn’t about self-improvement, because there is nothing essentially wrong with who you are and what you’re working with. More than anything it is about coming to know who you are and learning to love what you’re working with – in body, in mind, and in spirit.

So begin in the body. Begin at your feet. These feet take you places. Look at your hands. These hands touch the world. Breathe. This breath is all you have. Then open your eyes, all three of them, and praise.

Here's a Riotous Poem - Read if you haven't had a Good Belly-Laugh Lately

Gas

by Charles Bukowski

my grandmother had a serious gas
problem.
we only saw her on Sunday.
she'd sit down to dinner
and she'd have gas.
she was very heavy,
80 years old.
wore this large glass brooch,
that's what you noticed most
in addition to the gas.
she'd let it go just as food was being served.
she'd let it go loud in bursts
spaced about a minute apart.
she'd let it go
4 or 5 times
as we reached for the potatoes
poured the gravy
cut into the meat.

nobody ever said anything;
especially me.
I was 6 years old.
only my grandmother spoke.
after 4 or 5 blasts
she would say in an offhand way,
"I will bury you all!"

I didn't much like that:
first farting
then saying that.

it happened every Sunday.
she was my father's mother.
every Sunday it was death and gas
and mashed potatoes and gravy
and that big glass brooch.

those Sunday dinners would
always end with apple pie and
ice cream
and a big argument
about something or other,
my grandmother finally running out the door
and taking the red train back to
Pasadena
the place stinking for an hour
and my father walking about
fanning a newspaper in the air and
saying, "it's all that damned sauerkraut
she eats!"

"Gas" by Charles Bukowski, from The Flash of Lightning Behind the Mountain. © Harper Collins, 2004. Reprinted with permission. From The Writer's Almanac for September 26, 2010

Rainy Sunday

Today was my second Sunday yoga class, "Sunday Sadhana" at Heart Center Yoga. I had planned on a mix of some Yin yoga interspersed with a bit of Yang but it seemed like a "Yin" type of day! While we lingered in Yin asanas, we meditated on the many benefits of a daily sadhana. There was a touch of flow, humble warrior, and warrior flow. All in all, it was a "yummy" class as one participant stated.

My trip to France was wonderful, the weather in Paris was very hot but once we embarked on the Riverboat and started cruising down the Seine, it cooled off. We visited the Normandy beaches and many towns along the way, notable Rouen, Les Andeleys and others. The highlight, by far, was watching the Bastille Day fireworks over the Seine. We were fortunate to be in town for the show and I even recorded them on my little camera.

My daughter was home from Maine for a week. She left this Friday and drove back with her chum, Clayton. It is difficult to watch them grow up and witness their bumps and bruises.

I am anxiously awaiting my trip to Italy with Risica. We leave on October 23 and will be in Florence for 4 days. We then travel to Spannocchia for a Yoga, Hiking and Relaxation program in the Tuscan hills. While in Florence I hope to go to Lucca to the village of my mother's parents. I am in the process of collecting birth certificates and marriage documentation so I can obtain Italian citizenship. Seems my Mother's father never became an American citizen so I am eligible for Dual citizenship, very cool.

Om Shanthi, Shanthi, Shanthi

Catching Up

Well, it has been awhile. Things have been quite busy. I have finished yoga training and am teaching a class at a local Physician Practice and at work. I have been subbing some at the studio as well. I am a RYT!!.

I have been following the World Cup. Lots of shocking wins and losses. Bad calls, referees taken out because of them. Heartbreaking losses, incredible goals...

It has been very hot here. The past two weeks were in the upper 90's. This week the temperature moderated and was in the 50-60's at night and the 80's during the day. Not much rain, the lawn is turning brown and crunchy. I have started to walk during lungh; 6 times around the clinic = 1 mile. This jaunt resets my brain and breathing while walking inhales peace and exhales stress and frustration. I have been wearing a Pedometer lately and in the course of a day at work I manage to walk ~1.5 miles. Not too shabby!!

We will probably watch the Fireworks tonight, maybe those in DC. Always guaranteed to be an enjoyable event.

Hannah and I are going to France on Wednesday. Four days in Paris then a River Cruise on the Seine for 6 days. Appropos of the month, we will be visiting the Normandy beaches and learning alot about Impressionism as we visit major museums and historical sites.

More later,

namaste

Well, it is getting closer to finishing training. I can't believe it. When I started this path I did not plan on teaching yoga. I wanted to learn more about the spiritual path, not necessarily gear up to teach. Since I have started to teach at work one evening a week, I have realized that I really enjoy it. My "students" compliment me on my voice tone and overall presentation. They enjoy my readings and pose sequencing; and I'm told that my voice is very soothing,

I attended the Restorative Yoga training and have already signed up for a training in Yoga for Menopause. I have also registered for Yoga for the Older population to be held held in September at Asheville Yoga Center. I can't wait, especially since I work with the Geriatric population at work.

One of my students suggested that I offer a class "Yoga for Stress Recovery" for the Veterans. Even if all that is taken home is stress relief, it will be of benefit. I hope to start this either at the clinic [hmmmmm] or at the studio where I have been training, or maybe even private lessons outside the work relationship. I think a mix of gentle vinyasa and restorative would be a great way to introduce this to my population and help them to allay stress and recover from trauma and injuries.

I owe alot to my gurus and my students. They have educated me, given me a new love of yoga, and instilled in me the courage to teach and introduce yoga to all.

I have started the third Trimester of teacher training. It includes an apprenticeship; teaching 8 classes with instructor evaluation, attending the weekly class, readings, and other assignments.

One of our first assignments, other than readings and asanas, was to practice SILENCE for 12 hours. Once completed, we were to write a paper describing our experience and thoughts about silence. Well, it was enlightening, very enlightening, not to mention frightening to listen to my mind "citta". I found that in my silence I learned so much about myself, my ego. I realized how much I evaluate people and events according to what I think should be, of course, with me knowing what should happen or what someone should have done.

I have taught 2 classes to date. I teach on Thursdays after work. My first class had three participants. It lasted for about 40 minutes; poses included Mountain, Warrior I and II, and Triangle pose. We also had a centering time and a nice, 10 minute Shavasana complete with enhancements. I learned that when I teach I have to know the poses by heart, each movement, inhalation, and exhalation. I enjoyed it though. My second class had one participant, which was very cool. It was like a private lesson; she had not participated in Yoga previously. The class included the above poses plus spinal twists, neck rolls, and leg work on the mat. My participant has a Hearing Dog because of her hearing deficit and he was very confused. He wanted to be on the mat with her and did not understand why she was lying on the floor. In the end, it turned out to be great for all three of us. Next week I have my first evaluation by my instructors. I think it will be fine; a little scary but good.

Another assignment for the trimester is a pose to practice every day. Mine is Navasana or boat pose. I had this same pose last trimester but my shoulder and my aversion to pain resulted in my not practicing it too much. Well, now I am better able to practice it. My first few tries were pretty pitiful. I have since been practicing Navasana when seated at work, at home after doing my PT exercises, on the Bosu ball [which works on core and balance, in addition to the pose], and at other times when it seems to fit. I am able to balance and hold it and with this achievement, I have noticed that my ego talk, negative of course, has diminished. I am able to be a little more steady every day.

At first, I was on the ego-control path, not strong enough, too fat, to stiff, no muscle strength, etc. Now the daily practice has reduced that and I am thinking more positively..."I can stay in the pose for a count of ten breaths, I can do this, I am getting stronger"...it all goes back to SELF-DISCIPLINE.

Today in class the intention was to think frequently "My body is...". I again felt my ego, but with thoughtful verbiage from the instructor, I was given the opportunity to think of my body and whatever ails me, as one and the same; my shoulder hurts, my body hurts.

I am skimming through "Bringing Yoga To Life" by Donna Farhi. I am in the section discussing the "kleshas" and the "four attitudes (brahmavihara) to life's challenges and the application of these to all our relationships and to all situations.". They are: friendliness toward the joyful, compassion for those who are suffering, celebrating the good in others, and remaining impartial to the faults and imperfections of others.

The fourth brahmavihara resonated within me; it looks at how we inflict suffering on ourselves and how we manufacture our own torment by failing to detach ourselves from things that ultimately we cannot change in another, [Donna Farhi, Bringing Yoga to Life]. In a nutshell, what we fear, despise and hate in someone else is what we fear, hate and despise in ourselves. Boy, think about that for a few minutes. What a wake-up call on how we interact and criticize others. Think about it, what you dislike in someone, the trait that makes you crazy, is also present in you. Yikes!, on many levels.

Tomorrow, Sunday, is our 4-hour class. We have a 1-hour practice then 3-hours of education. We are learning the ins-and-outs of being a Yoga instructor. Can't wait; though the best teacher is ourself [in all aspects of life].

Namaste

Second Trimester Final Exam

I have until Sunday, 2/28/10, to finish my yoga exam and get it emailed to the instructors. Interestingly enough, several of the questions have to do with the ego, attachment and aversion. So while I am contemplating these questions, I am talking to my husband about being present in the now. He put in a movie, and my first question was something to do with the film that had not happened yet. There I was, not being here again in this moment, looking forward to 2 minutes from now. My present went out the window.

I am in Physical Therapy and after this weekend I found that my shoulder seemed to be aching more than previously. I mentioned this today to the therapist and she asked about the weights I was using at home. I replied "3 pounds". She came back with "maybe you should back-off and only exercise with 2 pounds". "Listen to your body, do what you can without pain", well, that is not what I usually do.

Ouch, then it hit me. I was not present in the now; my rehabilitation was not what it "should be". I was doing the attachment - aversion thing AGAIN. "Rehab should be going as I planned, it should not take me more than another month." That's it, I was attached, hook, line, and sinker; my aversion was to longer therapy. I also realized that subconsciously I was thinking " I can't wait until I can...do a downward dog or table". That is so un-yogic, so not present in the now. Always thinking about "when I will be better, when I can do...". The ego struck again; I was totally missing "now".

I think that I should write down every time for 1 day, when I am being in the future and thinking "when I". Like Judith Lasater, I think I will be shocked with the total number of times that I do this a day and don't even realize it. That's scary.

I'll keep you posted.

namaste

Loving Kindness Meditation | How to Meditate

Meditation is a great way to "get a grip" on your mind. Our thoughts have a way of carrying us off into distraction; we lose focus so quickly. Meditation helps to soothe the mind, calm the thoughts, and be at peace. There are numerous meditation techniques from simply focusing on the breath, the inhale and exhale, to the Loving Kindness Meditation found below. If you have an interest in meditation, visit this site. There is a wealth of information on meditation and it is easily understood.

This meditation is a reminder of ahimsa; non-harming, compassion and love of all creation. I have included the text so that you do not become distracted by viewing another website!

Loving Kindness Meditation | How to Meditate

This text, and a wealth of other meditation information can be found on the above link.

namaste.

Loving Kindness Meditation

All living beings deserve to be cherished because of the tremendous kindness they have shown us.
The five stages of the meditation:

1. Preparation
2. Contemplation
3. Meditation
4. Dedication
5. Subsequent Practice

1. Preparation

We sit in the meditation posture as explained above and prepare our mind for meditation with breathing meditation. If we like we can also engage in the preparatory prayers.

2. Contemplation

All living beings deserve to be cherished because of the tremendous kindness they have shown us. All our temporary and ultimate happiness arises through their kindness. Even our body is the result of the kindness of others. We did not bring it with us from our previous life – it developed from the union of our father’s sperm and mother’s ovum. Once we had been conceived our mother kindly allowed us to stay in her womb, nourishing our body with her blood and warmth, putting up with great discomfort, and finally going through the painful ordeal of childbirth for our sake. We came into this world naked and empty-handed and were immediately given a home, food, clothes, and everything else we needed. While we were a helpless baby our mother protected us from danger, fed us, cleaned us, and loved us. Without her kindness we would not be alive today.

The mere fact that we are alive today is a testimony to the great kindness of others.
Through receiving a constant supply of food, drink, and care, our body gradually grew from that of a tiny helpless baby to the body we have now. All this nourishment was directly or indirectly provided by countless living beings. Every cell of our body is therefore the result of others’ kindness. Even those who have never known their mother have received nourishment and loving care from other people. The mere fact that we are alive today is a testimony to the great kindness of others.

It is because we have this present body with human faculties that we are able to enjoy all the pleasures and opportunities of human life. Even simple pleasures such as going for a walk or watching a beautiful sunset can be seen to be a result of the kindness of innumerable living beings. Our skills and abilities all come from the kindness of others; we had to be taught how to eat, how to walk, how to talk, and how to read and write. Even the language we speak is not our own invention but the product of many generations. Without it we could not communicate with others nor share their ideas. We could not read this book, learn Dharma, nor even think clearly. All the facilities we take for granted, such as houses, cars, roads, shops, schools, hospitals, and cinemas, are produced solely through others’ kindness. When we travel by bus or car we take the roads for granted, but many people worked very hard to build them and make them safe for us to use.

Everyone who contributes in any way towards our happiness and well-being is deserving of our gratitude.
The fact that some of the people who help us may have no intention of doing so is irrelevant. We receive benefit from their actions, so from our point of view this is a kindness. Rather than focusing on their motivation, which in any case we do not know, we should focus on the practical benefit we receive. Everyone who contributes in any way towards our happiness and well-being is deserving of our gratitude and respect. If we had to give back everything that others have given us, we would have nothing left at all.

We might argue that we are not given things freely but have to work for them. When we go shopping we have to pay, and when we eat in a restaurant we have to pay. We may have the use of a car, but we had to buy the car, and now we have to pay for petrol, tax, and insurance. No one gives us anything for free. But from where do we get this money? It is true that generally we have to work for our money, but it is others who employ us or buy our goods, and so indirectly it is they who provide us with money. Moreover, the reason we are able to do a particular job is that we have received the necessary training or education from other people. Wherever we look, we find only the kindness of others. We are all interconnected in a web of kindness from which it is impossible to separate ourself. Everything we have and everything we enjoy, including our very life, is due to the kindness of others. In fact, every happiness there is in the world arises as a result of others’ kindness.

Our spiritual development and the pure happiness of full enlightenment also depend upon the kindness of living beings.
Our spiritual development and the pure happiness of full enlightenment also depend upon the kindness of living beings. Buddhist centres, Dharma books, and meditation courses do not arise out of thin air but are the result of the hard work and dedication of many people. Our opportunity to read, contemplate, and meditate on Buddha’s teachings depends entirely upon the kindness of others. Moreover, as explained later, without living beings to give to, to test our patience, or to develop compassion for, we could never develop the virtuous qualities needed to attain enlightenment.

In short, we need others for our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Without others we are nothing. Our sense that we are an island, an independent, self-sufficient individual, bears no relation to reality. It is closer to the truth to picture ourself as a cell in the vast body of life, distinct yet intimately bound up with all living beings. We cannot exist without others, and they in turn are affected by everything we do. The idea that it is possible to secure our own welfare whilst neglecting that of others, or even at the expense of others, is completely unrealistic.

3. Meditation

Contemplating the innumerable ways in which others help us, we should make a firm decision: `I must cherish all living beings because they are so kind to me.’ Based on this determination we develop a feeling of cherishing – a sense that all living beings are important and that their happiness matters. We try to mix our mind single-pointedly with this feeling and maintain it for as long as we can without forgetting it.

4. Dedication

We dedicate all the virtues we have created in this meditation practice to the welfare of all living beings by reciting the dedication prayers.

5. Subsequent Practice

When we arise from meditation we try to maintain this mind of love, so that whenever we meet or remember someone we naturally think: `This person is important, this person’s happiness matters.’ In this way we can make cherishing living beings our main practice.

I am at the point in training that I have to sequence a class and teach. YIKES! But I was thinking today that the Chinese new year is the year of the Tiger and it would be a great theme for a yoga class. I'm pondering poses and thought I would include those that can be restorative as well as those which generate strength.

According to the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of 2010 is the Year of a Golden Tiger, which begins on February 14, 2010 and ends on February 2, 2011. The first day of the lunar New Year 2010 falls on the 14th day of February, which is Saint Valentine's Day, so it is a day the West celebrates as a lovers' day, a day of romance. To the Chinese, it is the start of the Golden Tiger Year.

The Tiger is the third sign in the cycle of Chinese Zodiac, which consists of 12 animal signs. It is a sign of courage. This fearless and fiery fighter is revered by the ancient Chinese as the sign that wards off the three main disasters of a household: fire, thieves and ghosts. On New Year's day itself, it is beneficial to celebrate, to be happy, to have smiling faces, and to refrain from scowling, quarreling, or criticizing anyone. [http://www.springsgreetingcards.com/catalogs/store.asp?pid=48494&catid=22647]

The Tiger is one of the most beautiful creatures on the planet, and is feared and revered in equal measure. The Tiger symbolizes the female Yin energy as opposed to the Yang male energy of the dragon. The Tiger also represents earth, while the dragon represents Heaven. The powerful and stealth prowess of the Tiger inspire the martial art movements of many Kung-Fu masters.

Based on this exerpt, an appropriate sequence might include Yin components, Vinyasa flow and grounding poses.

Thoughts and points to consider while practicing include strength [mental, physical, emotional], courage to accept where we are at this moment, and yamas such as ahimsa, satya, asteya, bramacharya, and aparigraha.

It is interesting that the Tiger's two main features are rashness and hesitation, a pair of contradictions. If a Tiger knows how to relax and do things according to the situation, they can become quite successful. What a wonderful yogic thought; balancing rashness and hesitation, accepting challenges and just "being" in the situation

Yes, I think I like that plan.

Om Shanti